


5 Times Peter Parker Copes with PTSD Badly + 1 Time His Dad Takes Care of Him

by kianisabitch



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Dissociation, Flashbacks, Mental Health Issues, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter Parker-centric, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kianisabitch/pseuds/kianisabitch
Summary: The story of 5 times Peter copes with flashbacks and dissociation in a very negative way and the 1 time he starts his recovery.





	5 Times Peter Parker Copes with PTSD Badly + 1 Time His Dad Takes Care of Him

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty triggering, so make sure to read the tags. Also if your concerned about my writing being inaccurate to the experiences of these mental illnesses, please comment and I can explain what my thoughts are, or edit it.

1.

 

The first time it happened, all he can remember is screaming and the feeling of hands in his hair and warm air thick and heavy on his neck.

He feels like he is floating. Like he is somewhere stuck between worlds- between realities.

He feels like a teenager stuck in an eight year old’s body. But everytime he screams, teenage Peter is crying and eight year old Peter is terrified into complicancy.

Eight year old Peter is having his hair pet and having sweet nothings and threats whispered into his ear and teenage Peter is yelling at himself for having ever listened to them.

He feels Skip’s fingertips bruising his thighs. He feels tears branding his skin and he feels arms pushing him down.

He feels lost.

But, he also feels the weight of Mr. Stark’s hand on his back.

He feels the cool metal of a screwdriver, heavy and hard, in his hand.

He hears the whiz and whirring of the bots and he finally sees.

He sees Mr. Stark’s concerned face. He sees piles of papers stacked on a workbench, He sees a can of orange seltzer precariously placed on top of a laptop.

Peter goes to move the can and he refuses to make eye contact with his mentor.

 

_That night Peter took 5 consecutive showers._  
_He sat under the spray of water until his skin was scalded and burned._  
_His tears were lost in hot water._

 

2.

 

The second time it happened, Peter was watching a movie, when his world suddenly seemed to go black.

  
The character on screen was young. Probably 12 or 13 years old at the most. He looked like Peter, naive and hopeful and nerdy and sweet as honey.

  
Peter flinches when the character was pushed into a locker, all Peter could see was darkness and all he feels is the metal grates on his skin.

All he could feel was the cut on his upper brow and the feeling of phantom kicks hitting his side.  
Peter felt lost.

  
His hand was still resting on his thick blue comforter, but he could feel it being stomped on and the bones felt like they were being crushed.

  
He could hear the hum of a coffee maker and the buzz of the movie, but he could also hear ‘faggot’ being thrown his way.

  
He could feel spit in his face and ‘Penis Parker’ being branded on his skin in permanent marker.

  
He could hear the taunts and he could feel pain.

  
He could taste blood on his tounge and his hand was throbbing.

  
Blood was dripping onto the thick blue comforter and Peter felt there once again.

  
He was sitting on his bed in his apartment in Queens. His blue blanket was being stained with the startling red of his own blood.

  
He was staring at the posters on his wall and the setting sun.

  
He was staring at the bite marks on his hand and a small smile tugged on his lips.

 

_That night Peter spent gnawing at the fleshy part of the side of his hand._  
_By the morning, his hand was littered with self inflicted wounds scabbing over._  
_By the next day, they were gone._

 

3.

 

The next time it happens, Peter is already trying to stop it before it starts. 

When he feels his lungs start to constrict and the walls start to cave in- he tries to take deep breaths.

He tries to remind himself that this isn’t real, he isn’t in a fight and he is safe from harm.

However, he feels like he is trapped under a building again.

He feels like his lungs are refusing to work and his body is betraying him- leaving him there to die.

In order to feel alive again, Peter sinks his teeth into the side of his arm. He bites and bites, trying to feel pain. Trying to ground himself.

When it doesn’t work, he is smashing a disposable razor against the ceramic bowl of the sink.

As the rubble settles around him, Peter is cutting deep into his skin.

As he screams for help and begs not to die, blood is pooling on the inside of his wrist and dripping onto the tile floor.

There is more blood than there should be as Peter slips into darkness.

_That night Peter wakes up laying on the bathroom floor._  
_There is dried blood next to his hand and a smile graces his lips at the sight._  
_He pulls a thick hoodie from his closet, despite the fact that it’s July._

 

4.

 

The next time it happens, Peter is expecting it.

He is used to the nights plagued with anxiety, so when he starts to feel Skip’s hands on his hips he is already under the sink.

When he feels hands pulling on his ass, Peter is rifling through cleaning supplies.

When he feels like his life is slipping away from him, he is pouring bleach on his wrists.

The pain is excruciating and his scars are red and inflamed.

But, for once Skip is no longer holding him down and his brain is no longer screaming at him.

His skin is blistered and raw, but at least he escaped the worser fate.

At least he is still Peter Parker and not a fragment of his mind left floating.

 

 _That night, Peter sits cross legged on his bed._  
_His wrists look like a battlefield and his eyes are red from crying._  
_He wonders how it got that bad._

 

5.

 

When it happens next, Peter doesn’t wait for his eyesight to go dark.

He doesn't wait to lose sight of his life and he doesn’t wait to feel trapped under buildings, or stuck in lockers or pinned down on his childhood bed.

He doesn’t wait, simply swallows ten sleeping pills and hopes for the best.

 

 _The next morning, Peter wakes up crying._  
_He slices his arm open and pours bleach over his entire body ._  
_He screams until someone hears him._  
_But, nobody does and he is left begging for the release of death_

 

+1.

 

The next time it happens, Peter has had enough.

  
When he feels his breathing start to constrict, he takes a leap of faith and presses a contact on his phone.

  
He locks himself in his closet, away from his shower and his blades and his bleach as the phone rings.

  
He wants to hang up.

He wants to run and hide.

He wants to vomit and scream and cut his wrist until it bleeds out.

But, when the ringing stops and someone answers the phone, he talks a deep breath and says “Mr. Stark, I think I need help.”

 

 _Later that night, Tony Stark is carefully wrapping Peter Parker's wrists in bandages._  
_He is kissing the side of his son’s head and whispering in his ear that everything is going to be alright._  
_Peter shivers under the touch, but nods because he knows Mr. Stark is right. Everything **will** be alright._

**Author's Note:**

> This was short and terribly angsty, might continue in the universe if people dig it.


End file.
